Most bizarre movies ever - Oddetorium

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Sunday, 17 April 2011

Most bizarre movies ever

 Most bizarre movies ever

Some films make you feel genuinely fearful for the future of the entire movie industry. Their mere mention is like the celluloid equivalent of someone making a bad smell in a lift, and is yet another indication that we appear to be getting closer and closer to the day when we simply run out of ideas completely. It's a worry. And never more so than, well, right now.

There's a slew of forthcoming films that sound so ghastly, it's a wonder how they even got past the first pitch meeting. Welcome to the end of days...

Bonnie & Clyde Vs. Dracula
It's basically the worst idea ever devised, but one that has been pitched, funded, written, probably re-written a few times, cast, catered for, filmed and edited, all during a time when the film industry should be throwing everything it's got at making great films to pull itself from the brink of complete collapse. But it's happened, and there's really nothing we can do about that now other than marvel at the trailer and wonder how so many people were able to suspend their judgement for long enough to make it all happen. For shame.

Hobo With A Shotgun

Film titles didn't used to have to explain the film's plot too, but now they do. So terrified are the studio marketing departments of confusing the cinema-going public even for a nano second in case they decide not to bother buying a ticket (see also Bad Teacher, Cowboys & Aliens and countless others). It's both patronising and offensive, but we'd probably better get used to it. Action ledge Rutger Hauer is the titular armed derelict here in a film that looks like Death Wish on White Lightening. But not as great as that sounds.

Cockneys Vs. Zombies
Christ on a bike. Really? REALLY? First timer Matthias Hoene directs former EastEnder Michelle Ryan, veteran actress Honor Blackman, UK rapper Bashy and Harry Treadaway in a tale of zombies in smelly, undead conflict with cockney bank robbers. Like putting a badger on rollerskates, just because something's not been done before, it really doesn't mean that it should be.

Stretch Armstrong
'Pirates of the Caribbean' managed to spin out an entire film franchise being based on a ride at Disneyland. Stretch Armstrong will base itself on an 80s action figure filled with goo that can stretch four or five feet from its original 15-inch size. As an attribute, one might think that this may not naturally lend itself to drama. But who cares. It's a recognisable brand, and maybe that will be enough to get a big enough crowd of dimwits through the door who won't ask too many questions. Maybe.

Ahh, Hasbro. That bastion of the film business. Oh, hang on, it makes board games. Along with planned films based on Battleships and the Ouija board, this abject silliness is actually happening. Ridley Scott (Yes, that Ridley Scott) is on hand to try and wrestle what is essentially a board game into a two-hour film. It's like trying to make a wellington boot into a motorbike. Best of luck with that. This will be a dog. And not the little metal one.

Actually, this sounds remarkably interesting, poles apart from the formulaic dross herein. But how it got past the first meeting, we'll never know. It's got to be a tough pitch when your hero is a telepathic tyre called Robert obsessed with a mysterious woman and hell bent on destruction. But it’s heartening to see that some filmmakers are still willing to take a few risks, and this idea must be the riskiest since Risky Business (that is until they devise a film around the boardgame Risk, which they probably already are).

Source : Yahoo


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